Sometime ago, a lot of social media sites buzzed with the gory pictures of a man who paraded his wife naked round Festac town in Lagos because she cheated on him. According to the story that came with it, he caught her in the very act of adultery and decided she was the scum of the universe and deserves to be publicly disgraced. He stripped her and forcefully dragged her round town amidst boos and woos from the cheering crowd that gathered to witness the ignominy of a fallen woman. This man made the wife he spent dowry on a spectacle of shame as people shared and posted the pictures of her nakedness on their Facebook walls and blogs.
When a man is bitten by a dog it is not considered as news but when a man bites a dog it becomes newsworthy. This is the same treatment the story of a cheating wife receives round the globe. People accept the news of a man cheating on his wife as a normal occurrence but cry blue murder when a woman cheats on her husband. Is it that the rule changes when a woman is involved or is it the modus operandi that is accepted because it’s a man’s world after all?
In fact, a guy arrogantly told me that a man who does not cheat on his wife is not a full blooded man! According to his hypothesis, ‘’how can a man enjoy eating only Egusi soup for the rest of his life? He also needs to taste Vegetable and Ogbono soup once in a while because variety is the spice of life.’’ I took him up on his theory and quizzed why the same supposition should not be meted on women since God did not create the women’s taste bud differently; after all what is good for the goose is equally good for the gander. He vehemently disagreed and even spits profanities and punishment for any woman that ventures into such acts.
This is the kind of reaction that usually greets the subject of wives cheating their husbands. You see men raising their voices and giving suggestions what they will do if they find out their wife is cheating on them; yet they go about cheating their wives with other women without batting an eyelid. Why is this so I wonder?
From what I gathered from the male folk, the reason they find it difficult to forgive a cheating wife has to do with the male ego and pride. Men have possessive traits that make them to want to protect what they term their territory. Men hate sharing with a passion! To him, it is incomprehensible to forgive a cheating wife especially when he provides for her needs and also performs his conjugal rights with much gusto.
A man also feels it is a heavy slight on his manhood if he discovers that his wife preferred sleeping with another man while still married to him. He will immediately believe she no longer finds him attractive or his prowess in bed is not good enough for her and for that reason she is more or less termed a prostitute. It is such thoughts and imaginations running through his head that makes the man find it difficult to forgive his wife of infidelity. The questions usually asked include: was he better than me in bed? How long has the affair been going on? Is she in love with her new lover? Was she sleeping with both of us at the same time? Such questions make the man’s blood to boil with anger, jealousy and total resentment of the woman. They just find it extremely difficult to get over their feelings of jealousy and betrayal than it is for the woman.
Ladies most times understand that men fall into temptation and lust. Often it is merely for sex and not for companionship and so can forgive a cheating husband if he promises to end the affair and cut off communication with the other woman. On the other hand, men believe women are emotional beings and so can only have an affair if they are emotionally involved with the other man and not just for sex and so find it difficult to accommodate such behavior.
Forgiveness is indeed a hard nut for most men to crack especially when it comes to the issue of infidelity. Yes, she did a dastardly thing by cheating on you with her colleague in the office or with an old flame; yet that should not make you to throw away years of happiness and bonding you have established with this woman over the years. Nobody is above making a mistake including you.
If she shows remorse for what she did and begs for forgiveness, please find it in your heart to do so. To err is human to forgive is divine. I would call a man who forgives his wife of infidelity a REAL MAN. This type of forgiveness basically brings some meaning into the vow “I will love her in good & BAD times. Divorce is not the key!!! Rather, forgive her and work things out with your partner to bring healing to your marriage and bridge the gap such emotional upheaval would have wrecked on your marriage
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