‘Polygamy has more disadvantages than advantages’

Where did you grow up and what was it like growing up?

I am a native of Ado-Ekiti in Ekiti State and that was where I grew up. I had a lot of fun while growing up along with lots of disciplinary care from my parents. I had a father who was very strict and loved education like his best meal.

He never joked with education and it is your impressive performance on that line that could make you to be in his good book. He was a businessman; he was into all kinds of businesses – clothing, building materials and anything very lucrative.

A good investor, he was always monitoring whatever that was in high demand to sell and to make good profit. He was wealthy and was influential. He taught us to use our brain in calculations and he monitored this very closely.

That is why till today, I found it easier to calculate more with my brain than with calculators. I grew up in a large family because my father had a large family. The family is still large till now. It was fun because the home was always exciting. We were all very close so much that it was difficult for an outsider to draw the line between a person’s direct siblings from the other.

Was your father a chief ?

He was not. He was drawn in several ways and at different times to become one but he kept refusing. Yet, he lived like a king. Because of his wealth and influence, people from all around the town dashed him women as gifts for one reason or the other.

That was how he ended up with a polygamous family. I am sure he would not have gone into polygamy if not for that. He was a good Christian but the circumstance drew him into it.

All the same, he tried as much as possible to keep us all together. The wives were one, they love themselves just like we the children. This is not to say they did not have their fights and quarrels; of course they did and physically too. The only thing was that they usually came together immediately after their fight, making it difficult for their friends to know.

You seem to have nothing against polygamy. Would you for any reason support polygamy for any woman or a young lady?

I do not support polygamy for any reason. Apart from it being against my belief, I must stress it here that polygamy has more disadvantages than advantages. Those who practised it in the past did so for one reason or the other.

Some, because of their large farms that need a lot of manpower on; others, because they were the only children of their parents and like my father who ended up with polygamy because of his fame and largesse to his society, he had them as gifts. They were not as civilised as we are today; most of these women saw it as a way of life then, I mean, they saw it as no big deal and they coped quite well.

Talking from experience, I must tell you that there were a lot of preferential treatments in our home then. Children, whose mothers were not on good terms with our father, suffered in all ways. In some other homes, people went out of their ways to gain the attention of their husbands because of their children’s welfare. They did a lot of havoc on children who were doing well so as to favour their own children.

Honestly, no sane woman will encourage her daughter to go into polygamy no matter how attractive the offer may be. And what can be the attraction anyway? Money!

That is the only factor that draws many into it. Meanwhile, marriage is more about love than money. The kind of freedom that is enjoyed by people in monogamy marriages is far away from those in polygamy. Monogamy is more healthy, safer and of course better than polygamy.

Most young ladies today date married men, yet they want to be married to single men. What would you say about that?

It is because of their love of money and material things. They want to have their cake and eat it. And that is not possible. Some will tell you they are more mature and comfortable than the single ones.

They will tell you they don’t want to suffer with any man and all of that. I blame this on poor orientation which must be addressed by parents.

It is important to train our children, especially ladies, to learn to work hard and rely on their effort than on any man. We should continue to let them know that Rome was never built in a day; those married men that appear more mature to them did not get mature on a day or suddenly.

They grew to that level gradually, so, they should learn to allow their young men grow to maturity too. As for money, once their men are not lazy and they themselves are not lazy, money will come.

It is a matter of time. They should just be patient, be focused and above all be prayerful. Mothers, especially, have a lot of work to do here. They must live by example, keep a good eye on their kids and put them right always. They must not mislead these children because of their own selfishness too.

How do you mean?

Some mothers, out of their own selfishness, have misled their daughters today and they are both suffering it. If you are favouring a suitor just because he has money and you end up imposing him on your girl, when the trouble comes at the end of the day, you will bear it together.

If your girl is dating a married man and you keep quiet because she brings gifts home from the man, when she finally enters trouble by it, you will share in the blame. We must learn to pray and guide our children right because God will require from us one day, an account the roles we play in their lives.

How did you meet your husband and how did he propose to you?

We met while we were in secondary school. He just walked up to me one day and said we should be friends, I can’t remember saying yes up till today and here we are today.

What is it like to be married to a man of God?

There is nothing special and there are special things there in. He was not a pastor when we got married but he had been a responsible man who loves God and caters for others right from the on set.

He is not a cheat, so, it is easier for him to get better with time and become a servant of God. Men of God are human beings just like every other man. The only difference is the post they hold in the church and its environment.

My husband is a very loving man and very principled. He relates with me as his wife and his children, not only as a father but as their confidant. I can assure you that the kids are closer to him than they are to me. As a wife of a pastor, you are cautioned all the time both at home and outside it on the way you talk and comport yourself.

You are made consciously and unconsciously to be rooted in the words of God too because once he is not around, you are the next. You must move at his pace so as to fill the gap of a pastor yourself. A lot of people look up to you, so, you are careful all of the time.

What are your words of advice for both the married and the unmarried, especially in this New Year?

I will advise married men and women to be more tolerant and patient this year. God is about to do something new and only those who will be patient to listen and draw near to Him will reap great rewards.

They should know that there is no marriage without its challenges, no matter how long it has been existing. One thing they must know is that the devil does not want any marriage to survive which was why it went to disrupt the first marriage in the Bible. Note that the couples here did not have any quarrel, they loved each other, and so, it went through the serpent. The devil can come in any way; they should be prepared to fight it. Couples must learn to say sorry, thank you, I love you more to enrich their relationship.

They must not abuse this also. I was close to a home where the man would say sorry 21 times in a day but would end up going back to the same offence he was saying sorry for.

Wives should respect and honour their husbands while the latter should love their wives as Christ also loves the church. Most marriages were sealed up before the couples became born again. But because they handed it over to God, the homes are blossoming in the Lord. This year, couples should be closer to God than ever before. They should stop complaining about each other, they should learn to appreciate each other.

A man or a woman who complains all the time will never be satisfied by anything his or partner does, no matter how he or she tries. They should not be partial with their children, it is dangerous. For the unmarried, they should seek the face and the mind of God on marital issues. They should be humble enough to draw near to God and allow His will be done in their lives.

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