Wife of the General Overseer of Olive Mountain of Prayer and Praise Ministries, Pastor Rosemary Collins Timothy, is no doubt a gifted marriage counsellor. In this no-holds-barred interview, she speaks on how couples can keep their home peaceful and progressive. Excerpts presented by Tai Anyanwu
How have you been able to carry along all the women in the church to this extent?
One has been able to come this far by the grace of God. I also believe it is my calling to educate fellow women on how best they can fulfil their God-given roles in the family setting and the society in general.
What would you say is the unique point of this year’s women convention?
Ever since we started Women’s Day celebration, we have never had a marriage seminar. This was actualised this year. The women were immensely imparted on in this area. There is no perfect marriage.
You discover that many marriages are in problem because the devil is still determined to ruin homes.
He takes advantage of the imperfection of couples to wage war against marriages. The man of God who gave the lecture did a good job. Incidentally, our husbands were present in large numbers. I know that resounding testimonies would follow because the couples appreciated the opportunity to learn. They said to me, ‘Mummy let’s do this every month and we will support you.’ They were tremendously blessed, because many of them don’t know how to present themselves, some cannot cook. There was a particular brother who told me that he was interested in one of the ladies in the church. I told him to go talk to the girl and if she agrees to marry him, then it is the will of God. He came back later, and told me, “Mummy I invited the girl just to test her ability to cook good food. I was surprised that she could not cook even Indomie noodles. Mummy I love her so much but I don’t think that I should marry a woman who cannot cook.” To me it was taboo. I felt great pain in my heart. The seminar addressed such shortcomings. We thought the growing girls that young women need to learn how to cook and how to present themselves. They do not know that the man who just walked into the scene could be taking note of that. If such a man has interest in them, bad manner of speech could easily make him lose interest in the young woman. I believe many will amend their ways and there will be a dawn of new marriage lives in the homes.
How should women handle things so that the home front would become peaceful and successful?
I believe that when two people come to live together as husband and wife, they should be able to bear each other’s burden. If they can’t tolerate or absorb each other’s weakness, that marriage will definitely not work. The women should understand that the Bible expects her to be submissive to their husbands. Submitting to our husbands does not mean that men should turn us to slaves. Some men misinterpret this portion of the Bible and want to make us slaves. They are supposed to be a covering; but they expect us to go under the bed and hide when they talk.
On the other hand, a woman should be able to give her body to her husband. But some of them complain. A woman who knows that her husband loves sex should not use it as a weapon to starve the man. That is a sin. That man paid her dowry. So, she has no right to starve him of sex. I have also come to understand that some men come to their wives only when they need them. When the woman needs sex, they say they are tired. There is a case that really broke my heart. One of my women told me that she tried to express her love to her husband. I usually teach them to make their marriages work and I buy books concerning marriages and I read them so that I can always give them nice stuff to make their marriages sweet. So, this lady tried to practise what she had been taught. She said, “Mummy do you know what happened. I tried to express my love to my husband and he said to me, ‘E be like say you don’t too spoil. What is it? This means that you cannot endure even if I am not around. It is getting too much.” The man never knew that by so doing he had killed the woman.
Many people do not know that marriage is a thing of the heart. Some men just believe, “Oh! She is my wife; if I need you, just lie down well; release all yourself and remove the entire wrapper.” Men just treat women anyhow. That is not marriage. Marriage is a thing of the heart and you should show your wife that you love her. You should love the woman and she should return the love. When women play their role to make the home romantic, some men see it as the woman is spoilt. This man killed the urge of his wife and the woman changed totally. The man became uncomfortable and had to run to me to intervene. He did not realise that that single statement he made brought trouble in their matrimonial home.
You are good-looking and a Pastor; do men make passes at you? If they do, how do you react?
God has created women to be beautiful. No matter how beautiful you may be, you should respect yourself if men make passes at you, because you are married. The way you present yourself will keep a man away from coming to say to you, “I love you, can I…?” It is the step you take that will encourage them to make passes. By the grace of God I don’t present myself in such compromising manner.
So, men don’t admire you outside?
Maybe they do, but I don’t give them any chance to go further than that. Like a day I went out to buy some items and there was this man. He kept greeting and greeting. So, I turned and said to him, “Yes? God bless you; can I help you?”
Immediately I said so, he could not go further. The only thing he said was, “madam you are beautiful. God bless your husband.”