When your partner spends more time working late at night regularly especially when the work can be brought home or delayed till the next day, then it becomes obvious to assume that there are a lot definitely going wrong with your relationship.
You may not want to admit it to yourself but the obvious truth here is that good communication has gone out through the window and what is in place is a situation whereby both of you are just buying time for something or anything to happen.
There are things that naturally raise suspicion in any relationship and constant late nights in the office with a heavy work schedule as an excuse is very high up there on the list. Yes we all have moments when the job schedule is very high and we really have to stay behind to try and reduce it.
At other times, the urgency of meeting the job deadline at times may also make up for the need to be in the office beyond the allotted time but the truth is that these reasons cannot be regular and always. If it becomes regular, the danger is that commitment to the relationship becomes endangered and after constant nagging, the partner who feels shortchanged may end up not caring again and this may lead to the death of the relationship.
Basically, coming late depends on the job specification of one’s partner and the location of the office or business premises to one’s place of abode. Some things in a relationship needs a lot of maturity and understanding because your constant quarrels over the issue of late homecoming especially if the fear is that of someone lurking somewhere to snatch your partner, may end up fueling that very thing you want to assume that your nags will prevent.
Let us take fantasy away from reality, whether one’s partner comes in very late or very early, that doesn’t stop the person from having an affair with someone else. The truth is that there are a lot of hotels doted all over the streets of Lagos and other major cities in the country that caters for daytime dalliance for just a little cash and one’s break time is enough to quickly sneak in to do whatever one desires. I do not think using the cover of darkness to perpetuate romantic liaisons is in vogue again with the above scenario that has been painted here.
It’s really the truth here to say that every marriage has its own set of rules and each partner would have developed his or her own lifestyle even before the relationship started. What may work for you and your marriage may not work for the next couple’s relationship.
Your work schedule or your partner’s is a reflection of the lifestyle you would have chosen and developed over the years. Be that as it may that even if cheating may be ruled out as a reason for perpetual late home coming and not to sound contradictory, it will still be expedient to say that what may be wrong with the relationship is beyond the scenario of another man or woman but instead something deeper which may have been latent for a long time but which is now being manifested through the wish of the partner staying out late not wanting to spend quality time with the other partner. The staying late in the office doing some work therefore becomes a readymade excuse not to come home early.
For me personally, I believe that my partner and I should be on the same page in issues like this because there’s really no big deal to it as far as we have an understanding from the beginning.
The nature of our jobs would have been put into consideration and the distance we both have to travel daily to and from the office. It is very funny frankly to assume automatically once we hear of a partner coming home late regularly that the person is definitely cheating and to also assume that someone who comes home early doesn’t cheat.
If your spouse wants to cheat for goodness sake, the person can cheat in your house with you in it. Your partner can go bad regardless of what time the person gets home. What makes a person bad has nothing to do with home arrival time.
No matter how much in love a couple is or how much they cherish each other’s presence, one cannot possibly spend 24 hours – 7 days every week with the other. We definitely have ‘worlds’ outside that of our partner, including our career world(s). Most of us spend more time at work than we do at home, and it is easier to build relationships at work than anywhere else.
With all the ‘office romance’ gist we hear from time to time, the usual suspects that come to mind when one feels that his/ her spouse is cheating on him/ her are the bosses/colleagues of the opposite sex. Bearing this in mind, should one get worried or suspicious when his/her partner spends longer hours on the job? For me, this is one of the many topics that do not have a straight answer.
Whilst I would want to shout a big “NO!!” because one must trust his/her partner totally; I must admit that longer hours in the office has the potential to make a person bond with a boss or colleague of the opposite sex. Even if the person did not set out to get overly chummy with another person of the opposite sex, he/she may still ‘fall’. We do not fall deeply in love or get close to people overnight; it takes time.
(I used the word “deeply” so that the proponents of love-at-first-sight will not be quick to crucify me!) In fact, if we really think about it sincerely, we will see that a lot of the people we have grown to love or cherish were people that we started out being ‘just friends’ with, but overtime, built very strong bonds. Ask those who have been into office romance and they will tell you that they cannot really state the exact moment they migrated from the ‘just colleagues’ world to the world of couples.
It is a simple principle – the more time you spend with someone, the closer and more intimate you get with the person. Like other general rules, there are exceptions. Please also note that people easily use the “I’m working late” excuse to do things away from the office. Someone could claim to be in the office or at some work-related meeting when in fact, he/she is with another girlfriend/boyfriend. Having all this in mind, would you call someone who gets uncomfortable about a partner’s extra hours at work a suspicious and insecure person or a cautious person? It really depends.
No two cases are the same. Just imagine some scenarios which may naturally make one uncomfortable: • if the act of spending longer hours in the office becomes almost permanent and the partner does not indicate that it will soon end;
• if the partner becomes evasive and distant; • if the late work hours and weekend overtime involves meetings which make the partner incommunicado (you cannot call the person or visit the person at the office); • if the late work hours is with just one boss or colleague of the opposite sex;
• If the partner starts hiding to take calls, text or chat;
• If the partner gets uncomfortable, dodgy or irritable whenever you bring up gist around his/her work. In my opinion, one has to give the partner the benefit of a doubt.
At the same time, caution is important. If your relationship is still as blissful as ever, and your partner keeps you well-informed about the long hours at work, you may not have cause to worry. (Those who are victims of ‘smooth players’ would immediately react to this because we have excellent ‘players’ who can keep the relationship ‘blissful’ while doing some ‘runs’).
However, if all the smoke signals appear and alarms begin to ring, discuss your concerns with your partner. If he/she fails to give you the assurance you need, well…. So, should you get worried or suspicious when your partner spends longer hours at work? Maybe!
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